Leaving

Mar. 31st, 2016 12:36 pm
sehnsucht: (pinguin)
Hi all, it's been a while.

Leaving )
sehnsucht: (pinguin)
hey Guardian, can you not get better annoying advert cookies that would recommend me something I want rather than reminding me of all the things I have just gone and bought? Don't need any Clarks kids' shoes precisely for the reason you are recommending me them which is that I went on the Clarks website and looked at them AND BOUGHT THEM.

I'm watching that Child Genius thing on Channel 4. Many, many things I hate: picking out the mentalist parents, maintaining the stereotype of the high IQ test with the pushy parents and making it really hard for parents to get high IQ recognised as the special educational need that it is. And the whole class thing, the feeling that for a lot of the parents who're not =standard British middle class there's this misconception that this is what you need to be to get money and position in this country, and that if you excel in being bright this is what you will get. The bowties, the Tory values, like Chris Eubank trying to be posh without really knowing what it is and making yourself look just... odd. Been there, fought with that. There should be something better than this, really.

So proud

Jul. 25th, 2013 06:49 am
sehnsucht: (pinguin)
1 of 2 is shouting "oy! Tea!" through the baby monitor.
sehnsucht: (pinguin)
It's been a good week, mostly. The girls are going through one of those screamy/cling to my leg all day developmental growth spurts but it actually feels good because they are coping so much better with it than in the past. They're quite cool - they have yelling/raspberry blowing fights and they follow each other around the house. I think I'm probably a bit at the careless end of parenthood here because I let them go up and down the stairs on their own - I'm glad they've had the chance to learn to do that and it fits with my parenting philosophy such as it is (that you only learn by doing, so your parents' job is to put you in situations where you can learn, and give you the odd pointer or encouragement but usually just to let you get on with it) but I do worry that one of them is going to take a tumble once and I'll need to explain to Social Services why we don't have any stair gates. Ach well.

Trying to think what else they do that I want to remember. They climb into the tumble dryer, dishwasher and the unit below the TV; Izzy climbs up onto the TV unit and hangs off the TV when I don't get to her in time. The TV is covered with little handprints and generally the house is a bit trashed looking because they just take everything out of every cupboard, have a sook of it and then leave it there. Izzy takes stuff around with her so you find bathroom stuff in the kitchen and so on. She's got a little soft toy she sleeps with who often ends up round and about - sometimes she'll go up to her bedroom and go and get him, and then take him around with her, even though he trips her up when she's crawling. Anna's got one too but she's less attached - doesn't go looking for her, but when you give her the soft toy she smiles in recognition and cuddles her. They both cuddle me now (although Anna sometimes bites me too, aargh) and Izzy is standing up on her own waving her arms around looking like she could start walking at any moment. I reckon Anna will talk first - the babbling is quite detailed now and she says "bye bye" - sometimes even when people are going away. If she wants your attention she'll do "bye bye", "mama", a raspberry and a crinkly eyed smile. You can see her trying out all her things to see if you'll bite. It's cute.

So it looks like we're staying in the UK and I'm going back to Gringott's - so trying to be practical and think of what needs sorted. They're registered at a nursery; I don't look forward to leaving them, knackered though I am by looking after them, and I'm thinking of going part time when I go back to work.

Oh, and I saw [livejournal.com profile] alltheleaves this week. Oh, the wee one, he is sweet! Little babies though, I forgot everything. It was nice to actually do A Thing, go visiting, because it's another step towards having a normal life. The ladies are still napping twice a day and when they eat it's like a bomb site so we're limited still but it is getting easier, for sure.

Pictures!

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sehnsucht: (pinguin)
Someone I went to school just posted "Happy valintines day to my lovely husband" on Facebook. Fuck sake! If you don't know the spelling, just LOOK AT FACEBOOK. IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY TODAY. THERE ARE 4 MILLION POSTS SAYING SO WITH THE CORRECT SPELLING.

Sometimes I think they do it on purpose.

Numpty

Jul. 22nd, 2012 10:42 am
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This:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/discussion/comment-permalink/17272009

1. Nice bit of mansplaining. I know that chemicals come with safety data. Read between the lines: if I know what COSHH is, I'm probably a lab rat, right?
2. But actually what you get in your package of chemicals is a material safety data sheet (MSDS), not a COSHH assessment. The COSHH assessment is something you're supposed to do yourself, where you take the basic safety data and assess the safety of the operations you're going to carry out, taking into account how much you're using, in what physical form, and with what level of containment or protection. So that point about how the MSDS gives information about tonne scale when you're using mg is really stupid, because the whole idea of doing the COSHH assessment is that you can go "well, OK, this isn't a problem because I'm only using 50mg".
3. Bonus for completely missing the point i.e. that you don't need to do a COSHH assessment if you do it at home because COSHH regulates exposure to chemicals at work.

Feh.
sehnsucht: (Default)
Song meme! Generic MP3 player on shuffle, instrumental stuff, things I don't know the words to and most of the more obscure early 80s electropop edited out (I did land on the Urdu version of Fun Boy Three's Our Lips Are Sealed and if I'd been able to spell it, I would have put it in).

1. And many have turned out their porch lights, just so I would think they are not home Yiskah got this one - Ani DiFranco, 32 Flavors.

2. When did you first realise, it's time you took an older lover baby?

3. I tell you somebody's fooling around with my chances on the danger line.

4. I'd like to drop my trousers to the world, I am a man of means
And Leedy got The Smiths - Nowhere Fast

5. I'm taking a ride with my best friend
Silence got this one... Depeche Mode - Never Let Me Down Again

6. it's buzzing like a detuned radio
It's not, not exactly, but alltheleaves got it anyway - Radiohead Karma Police

7. in this matrix it's plain to see, it's either you or me

8. Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am home again
Pescana got this one - The Cure - Lovesong. They're really so much better than Friday I'm in Love.

9. I'm not looking for absolution, peace of mind after what I've been through
And Silence spotted the other DM one - Walking In My Shoes.

10. in the schoolyard, in the scrapyard, in the chip shop, in the phonebox
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That fucking Bisto advert with all the kids promising to be good if they can only, only have dinner together at the table like a proper family. WTF? what pointless guilt tripping on behalf of kids... I remember being a kid, all I wanted was to get yelled at less and... actually no, all I wanted was to get yelled at less. Maybe a puppy, I don't know.

Oh FFS

Jan. 25th, 2011 11:44 pm
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Half my facebook front page is taken up by my schemie ex-classmates pointing and lauging at My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. Christ, pot and kettle.

In other news, I took The Great British Class Survey. Now I'm officially one of those pretentious gits who says they're working class even though they have a degree and a house and stuff.

Hurm, class and entitlement and being on a mission and stuff. I feel another enormous totally self-involved post coming on. I might favour you all with that at the weekend.

In other news, I'm bored of house stuff already. Can we get to cats yet? P is starting to make backing out noises about getting two cats but there is no way. They are coming.
Hey, on a related note: names. One is going to be called Burger after my imaginary cat from when I was a kid. Yes, imaginary cat. The other one I'd like to call after our neighbour's cat at home, Tinker, who used to come to the house and knock heads with my dad. But Tinker? As in, the very probably quite derogatory word for gypsies in Scotland?
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We seem to have bought a house. Has anyone had their kitchen done in London recently? We need to get quotes for a kitchen/conservatory type effort v v soon.
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I do, but why is it that the women who use the library seem unable to use a toilet? The looks look like nightclub loos at 4 in the morning. There's wee sprinkled ALL OVER all the toilet seats, and some on the toilet floor as well.

feckless

Jan. 20th, 2011 10:26 pm
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Our publication is out tomorrow! This quarter we started a day early thus requiring me to get up so early I have not seen daylight since SATURDAY. The object was not to be checking at 7pm on the day before publication: it did not work. Boss fiddled obsessively and pointlessly for another 5 hours: signed off at ten to 7. Then got drunk. Eee! Drunk on the train. My colleagues are LOVELY and I may have told them that. What a life eh?
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cool thing in the Economist about immigration )

In other news, I was thinking about sentiment.
see? )
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I was actually in work until the 31st specifically so as not to feel like I was returning to some sort of improbable nightmare on the fist day back of the new year. It didn't work. This is hideous. Do I really do this every day?
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It's cold and I am tired. Should I take a bath? But then if I do, Monday night becomes the night I took a bath, it can't be anything else, so maybe I will piss about on the blooming computer for another hour and a bit and then halfheartedly watch Newsnight and then have to go to bed.
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Up in the north, Chris Brookmyre novels are starting to come true:
someone blew up a tree.
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1. Our water went off! Then it went back on again, while we were asking our neighbour whether her water was off. Now she thinks we're nutters.

2. I saw Boris Johnson on his bike on London Bridge this morning. Aw. I know that Boris is the Tories' way of nicking your sweeties while distracting you with kittens, but I do just want to ruffle his silly hair whenever I see him.

3. I did my fastest 5k since about 2003 tonight, yay. It was good: it always lifts my mood. For most of the day I felt alternately mopey and anxious which is my own fault for listening to sad music the whole day. I don't know though... every year I scrabble for happiness at this time, but I'm thinking I might just go with the flow and be miserable this time. Unhappiness can be transformative, and it would be reassuring to know that there is a bottom to how unhappy I can get. That's probably a bit mental, I don't know.
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I had a flashback to my previous life as a chemist.

I'm trying to find somewhere online to order this conditioner I buy at the hairdressers. What you need to know about me, right, I come across like some kind of odd ascetic because I never throw away anything that's working and I wear a jacket that is 15 years old. But it's not that I'm not into material possessions: I'm just really, really hard to please. The reason I'm still wearing that jacket is because I've been looking for a nicer one for the last 15 years and as yet have been unsuccessful.

So, to the conditioner. I never buy any of this shit because my hair is a lost cause and because every conditioner is the same. But not this stuff. Thiis stuff is like a fucking time machine. It gives me the hair that I had when I was 12 years old: all shiny and bouncy and I can get a comb through it without pain. Marvellous.

Anyway it's kind of expensive, so I'm looking for it cheap on the web. So I look up the name: aqua oleum. So for me, oleum is fuming sulfuric acid. When you mix it with water the dissolved sulfur trioxide reacts with the water, gets very hot - hot enough to boil - and boom you've just etched a negative of yourself going "aargh" on the opposite wall. I suppose they didn't really have me in mind when they were naming it though.

God I am so bored today. I've just taken the decision of my life and the WHOLE WORLD is open for me, I can do whatever I want. So what do I want to do? It's immobilising.
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Jesus. I've just been out with the people from the work who started the same time as me. I just realised I posted a similar post about them, what, two weeks ago? And therefore all my woe may be related to them instead of, you know, LIFE, but bear with me.

It was a really crowded noisy bar in the city, filled with knobs buying pink champagne for their permatanned girlfriends. I looked around my intake and realised that there was not a single person who I wanted to stick with, noone that wouldn't be an effort. Smiling awkwardly, struggling to hear... this is what it feels like, making an effort.

I almost miss the time when I just did not give a shit about anyone, and stayed at these things precisely the length of time I needed to not to be rude. But tonight I really wanted it to be good. I'm on a free pass. What am I doing back in the house at half 9?

I made a big decision this week, of which more in a while. It makes me feel like I've been walking around in this carapace made of bitterness and resentment and I've just had it lifted off me, and what is underneath is good but it's still a little raw. I'm not used to it, and I'm lonely, and I don't think that's going to get better soon, so am I up to it? And I'm making everything into a test, to see if I'm sure, and I'm not sure, not at all. But I was sitting there on the train, thinking, what is going to happen to me? I have no idea what is going to happen to me. And that, in essence, is what this is all for. That's what I'm after, and if I can just prise my hands off the bloody seatbelt for a while I might learn to swim in it, and enjoy it.
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