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[personal profile] sehnsucht

13 March 2011
Living in a private rental in Croydon with P, working at Gringott's, trying in my spare time to write. God life is making me itch at the moment. This place is pointlessly open plan, which means that it's difficult to get any quiet time unless the house is empty. I miss Lanzarote where the total silence and slight boredom meant that I wrote for about 7 hours a day. We're trying to buy a 3 bed Victorian house on the other side of Croydon and I cannot fucking wait to move in. Yesterday we went to John Lewis and looked at designer curtain material which was really beautifully designed and made, and I'm glad there are people who buy this stuff for 50 quid a square metre, but I also want to sneer at them slightly because in my judgement, the proportion of the 50 quid that they pay to show off their good taste and material success is too high. That's nice, isn't it?

13 March 2001

So much easier to describe the past than the present. I was living in a 4 bedroom flat in the south of Edinburgh, with P, and my German flatmate and my Chinese flatmate. They were all working at the uni, while I was getting in my wee N reg Ford Fiesta and driving to Grangemouth each day. I'm glad I got to work in Scottish manufacturing industry while it still existed.

13 March 1991

Oh, this is the best bit. We were living in a 2 bedroom maisonette in Clydebank - it was getting quite scary at that time with like gang violence and stuff but it was still a nice place to be. Kevin Bridges said Glasgow was a place where you would get stabbed but they would give you directions to the hospital and I suppose it was quite like that - in your face, both ways. We had cool neighbours but sadly for me we lived in a scheme that was mostly Catholic and I went to the non-denominational (proddy) school where I didn't really know many of the kids and so when some of them decided to start bullying me there wasn't really anyone to fight my battles for me... it's funny to talk about the violence now and the sectarian strife as if it's something that attaches itself to me, is a property of me - something that people on lj only hear about from me. But when I was there it felt very much not a part of me. I escaped through books and music in my wee room, and the selection in March 91 was fantastic - listening to Behaviour and Violator and reading 1984 and Brave New World, as my English teacher started sorting me out with decent books. I was also writing letters to the boy who would become my first boyfriend, and it was all pretty intense and amazing. I'd been so lonely, and I was so in love, but the timescales are so short it's amazing. Being old is so weird - to have the sort of range of feelings I had then in months would take years.

13 March 1981

Same house, I am 4 years old and at nursery. I liked the nursery. I remember someone gave me an LP of like marching band music, I have no idea why I had that. But I had this great idea that we should play it in the nursery and have everyone march around the nursery and then outside in a big long line, and somehow this managed to be done. And another time my mum was late and I went with the kids who stayed all day and had lunch but I was a bit sad because I thought this was my life now, I had to go to nursery all day, and it was a bit of a shock to learn this, but that's how it is when you're a kid, isn't it? People seldom explain what's all going on. And then I remember really liking it when my dad was on strike because he would come and pick me up and take me to the park. Which, I suppose it's nice that *someone* has good memories coming out of all the 70s/80s industrial relations strife in Glasgow. Increasingly over that decade the blokes were available to pick up their kids whenever they wanted, although they seldom did.


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